Posting also in this format:
There’s this dynamic:
- Person1 *does something that hurts Person2*
- Person2 is hurt, and changes their behavior in some way
- Person1 explains how they would never do something like that, it wasn’t really them, they were just upset
- And then gets really angry at Person2 for thinking something is still wrong
- Bob gets drunk and calls Joe a racial slur.
- The next day, Bob calls Joe and tells him that he’s not the kind of person who uses racial slurs, he was just drunk.
- Joe still thinks of Bob as someone who called him a racial slur
- Bob gets really angry and thinks of this as Joe wronging him – after all, Bob would *never* call someone a racial slur, normally.
Or like this:
- Debra consistently forgets to eat, and falls to pieces.
- She often realizes that she is starving in the middle of the day, and eats her coworkers’ lunches.
- When people find out, she says she really isn’t the kind of person who steals lunches, she was just really, really hungry.