Asking for reassurance can (sometimes) be manipulative

My response to this post from wasthatnotsideblog:

just gonna say this: if someone has social anxiety and they ask you something akin to ‘are you mad at me’ or ‘do you hate me’, it isn’t because they don’t trust you, it’s because their brain literally tells them that all the time

it’s not a personal slight, it’s insecurity caused by mental illness


realsocialskills said:

It’s manipulative if the only acceptable answer is “of course I’m not mad at you and nothing is wrong”.

It’s ok to worry a lot that someone might be mad, and to need them to be explicit about it. It’s ok if you need to check in much more than most other people do.

It’s also important to accept that sometimes, the answer will be “yes, I am mad at you”, and that people are allowed to be mad at you even though your mental illness makes other people’s anger frightening.

Because sometimes, something will be wrong, sometimes you will hurt people, and sometimes they will be mad at you. That’s part of how relationships work, and it’s not ok to try to evade it.