This happens a lot, especially for autistic folks with a particular cognitive configuration:
- An autistic person says something in the most straightforward way they can think of
- But it’s far from the way most people say it
- And it doesn’t occur to other people that they’re being direct
- It’s seen as either the autistic person not understanding something, being presumptuous, or being hilarious
For instance:
- Alice and Nancy walk into a cafeteria, which is overflowing with different food options
- Alice (wanting a particular kind of food and not knowing how to find it): Where’s the food?
- Nancy: Umm, everywhere?
In this example, Nancy thought Alice was just being annoying or funny and didn’t understand what she was trying to communicate. This would have been better:
- Alice: Where’s the food?
- Nancy: Which food do you mean?
- Alice: Food!
- Nancy: Are you looking for something in particular?
- Alice: Food!
- Nancy: Your favorite food?
- Alice: My favorite food! Chocolate pie! Burger?
- Nancy: They have both of those things. We will see them when we go through the line.
Or:
- Nathan is discussing politics with his son, Arthur
- Nathan: What does the president do?
- Arthur: Important stuff. Not like you do.
- Nathan: You don’t think what I do is important?!
- (Nathan, telling the story later, uses it as an example of how kids have no filter)
- What Arthur actually meant was along the lines of “The president is a public figure with a lot of power, and everyone pays a lot of attention to what he says; that’s really different from how other people’s jobs work”.
This would have been better:
- Arthur: Important stuff. Not like you do.
- Nathan: What kind of important stuff?
- Arthur: My fellow Americans…
- Nathan: Important like speeches?
- Arthur: Yes. Speeches on TV.
- Nathan: I don’t make speeches on TV.
- Arthur: You go to the office.
- etc etc
Short version: When autistic people communicate things, sometimes it sounds strange or unusual in ways that are often misinterpreted. Be careful about assuming that they’re being dismissive, being cute, or joking; be careful to listen. Scroll up for some concrete examples.