respect – Page 5 – Real Social Skills

If:

People who can communicate clearly generally say they don’t like something, and/or
People who are allowed to say no and have that respected generally refuse to do something…

Then:

You should assume that people who aren’t allowed to say no don’t like it either, and:
You should assume that people who can’t communicate clearly don’t like it either

And:

You shouldn’t do that thing to someone who can’t say no without a *really* compelling reason.

None of these things are compelling reasons:

They’re low-functioning, r-worded, have special needs, or are difficult to manage
They’re not actually screaming when you do the thing to them
They’re a compliant audience
You enjoy doing the thing
You feel that it is good for them
It makes them look more normal
It makes them easier to manage
It keeps them busy
It’s therapy
An experienced expert told you to
It might conceivably offer some health benefits
Your religion says it is important

When people can’t say no easily, it’s of the utmost important to make good guesses about what they’re consenting to and what they aren’t. If you start from the assumption that they don’t consent to things most other people don’t consent to, you’ll do a lot less harm.

Do not take food issues personally.

If someone can’t eat something, it’s not personal:

It isn’t a rejection of your hospitality
It isn’t an insult to your cooking skills
It isn’t a comment on your health, your lifestyle, or your diet

It’s also not any of your business:

Don’t expect an intimate conversation about the reasons behind the food restriction
Don’t make a big deal about it
Do not comment about weight loss
Do not offer unsolicited medical advice
Do not offer unsolicited health advice
Or unsolicited religious commentary
Or your views on vegetarianism

And especially, don’t do dangerous things:

Don’t try to trick people into eating things
Even if you think their food issue is a ridiculous phobia and that tricking them would cure it
Seriously, seriously, don’t do that
It won’t help, and this kind of thing can and does kill people
And, in any case, irrational people also have the right to say no

You do not need to agree that the person is correct about what to eat in order to interact with them respectfully. You just have to arrange for it to be possible for them to be in spaces you’re in, and for it to be predictable whether there will be anything for them to eat there.