Why you should contact your representatives even if they’re already on your side

When your politician wants to do the right thing, they need your help. Calls and tweets are very helpful to them. Here’s why:

Politicians can’t just do whatever they want, because they represent us. Whatever they believe personally, they have to take into account what their voters think. Politicians can do some unpopular things, but they have to pick unpopular issues very, very careful, or they lose reelection and can’t do anything at all.

If you call/tweet your representatives about something they already agree with, you are telling them: We have your back. You don’t have to worry that doing the right thing will cost you the election. Doing the right thing will get you votes, and make you *more* likely to win. That gives them more options.

Another way that calling representatives who are on the right side helps them: Representatives can’t pass legislation by themselves. They have to persuade other representatives to vote the right way. There are usually politicians who are on the fence and potentially open to persuasion.

If your representative can say to other representatives: “My phones are ringing off the hook about this issue”, or “My twitter mentions are overwhelmed with people asking me to do this”, it can persuade other politicians that this issue matters to voters. Every representative who can do this makes a difference. A politician may sometimes be in denial about what their constituents are saying; it’s harder to stay in denial if they’re hearing it from multiple politicians whose states/districts are similar to theirs. Even if your representative is unwaveringly on your side and in a safe seat, your calls/tweets can help them  to persuade others.

Stories and pictures also matter. Telling stories can persuade politicians to do the right thing. During the health care debates, every politician told stories that a constituent told to them. The vote was close, and the Republicans who voted against it said that stories were part of what convinced them to do the right thing. If you tell your representatives stories about why the issue matters to you, it can help them to act on it, even if they already agree with you.

Tweeting pictures at your representatives can also help. Pictures of protests show politicians that people care enough to show up in person and protest. This suggests to them that people care enough to show up and vote. This is reassuring to politicians who agree with you, and they can use those pictures to put pressure on politicians who aren’t sure how they want to vote. Pictures of real people affected by the issue are also helpful. They show, viscerally, that this is about real people. That can be very persuasive.

Another reason why contacting politicians who agree with you matters: If you make the issue you’re calling/tweeting about a safe issue for them, then they don’t have to spend political capital on it. If they don’t spend political capital on it, then it’s available to spend on a risky issue. Calling/tweeting them helps them to do the right thing about the immediate issues *and* future issues which may be riskier.

Tl;dr: Even if your representatives agree with you, it’s still worth contacting them about important issues. Calling, tweeting, and otherwise contacting them can give them them *ability* to do what they already want to do. Tell them stories. Tweet them pictures that tell stories, including pictures you take at any protests you go to. Scroll up for more explanation of why this matters.

A problem with “behavior is communication”

In certain contexts, just about everything a disabled person does will result in someone following them around with a clipboard, taking notes on their behavior, and designing a behavior plan for them.

This is often called ‘listening to what the behavior is communicating’ or ‘keeping in mind that behavior is communication.’

I know that nothing I’ve ever done was intended to communicate ‘please put me on a behavior plan’. If anyone asked me, they would know with certainty that I don’t want them to do anything of the sort.

I’m not alone in this. Very few people would willingly consent to intense data collection of the kind involved in behavior analysis. Far fewer people would willingly consent to the ways in which that data is used to control their behavior. 

A lot of people never get asked. People do these things to them that very few people would willingly consent to — without asking, and without considering consent to be a relevant consideration.

Somehow, an approach that involves ignoring what someone might be thinking gets called ‘listening to what is being communicated’.

That is neither ethical nor logical. Behaviors don’t communicate; people do. If you want to understand what someone is thinking, you have to listen to them in a way that goes beyond what any behavior plan can do.

Collecting data is not the same as listening, modifying behavior is not the same as understanding what someone is thinking, and disabled people are fully human. 

Don’t schedule important events on major Jewish holidays

A lot of things get scheduled on major Jewish holidays, in a way that prevents Jews from being able to participate. This needs to stop. 

If you’re in charge of scheduling things like:

• Protests
  
• Conferences
• Public school orientations
• College orientations
• Exam schedules
• Field trips
• Other important events

Please avoid scheduling on major Jewish holidays. The most important ones to avoid are:

• Rosh Hashana
  
• Yom Kippur
  
• The first two nights of Passover 

These holidays are at slightly different times each year, because the Jewish calendar is lunar. Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are in the fall, Passover is in the Spring. You can check when they are at hebcal.com, and hebcal.com also has a calendar you can subscribe to that says when the holidays are.

Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are the times at which Jews who don’t go to synagogue at any other time of year go. (In the same way that some Christians only go to church on Easter and Christmas). They are also major family holidays, even for people who are otherwise secular. Yom Kippur is a 25 hour fast (from both food and water) and most people who observe it are pretty wiped out immediately afterwards. 

The first two nights of Passover are when Jewish families hold Passover seders. It’s a major family holiday, even for people who do not consider themselves religious and never go to synagogue at all. Nearly all Jewish families have some sort of seder. 

It is considerate to also avoid scheduling important events that would require travel on the day before and after these major holidays. It is critical to avoid scheduling events on the holidays themselves.

There are other Jewish holidays that will create conflicts for some Jews, but they’re not as important to most Jewish people. 

tl;dr: If you value Jewish participation and solidarity with Jews, it is critically important to avoid scheduling important events on on Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, and the first two nights of Passover.

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Using Twitter to contact (and keep up with) your representatives

This is a US-centric post, but some of it probably applies outside the US as well.

Contacting politicians isn’t just about using the phone to make calls. Twitter can *also* be a really useful way to talk to elected officials.

Politicians who have Twitter feeds pay attention to them. They use them to market themselves to constituents, and to gather information about what constituents care about. The way constituents interact with politicians on Twitter can make a real difference.

This is a post explaining some of how I interact with politicians on Twitter. There are a lot of things, and some may seem overwhelming. Don’t feel like you have to do everything — *anything* you do will help, even if it’s only occasional.

I’ve found that it’s much easier to keep up with and interact with politicians if I make Twitter lists of them. Here’s a way to keep up with your representatives on Twitter:

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Step one: Make a Twitter list called “Representatives”. Twitter has instructions for making Twitter lists here.

• Step two: Find out who your senators and representatives are:
  
• You have one Representative in the House. Your state is divided up into congressional districts, and you are represented by the person whose district you live in. Find out who they are here.
  
• Your state has two Senators. They both represent you. Find out who they are here.
  

Step three: Find your senators and representatives on Twitter:

• Generally, the fastest way to do this is to search for “[their name] Twitter”
  
• Senators and congresspeople also often have their Twitter handle on their page.
  
• (You likely also have local and state level politicians who are on Twitter, but don’t get bogged down trying to find them if it’s taking a while. There will be more information about finding them in a subsequent post.)
  

Step four: Add your representatives and senators to your Twitter list:

• Now that you have a Twitter list, it’s easier to check up on what your representatives are saying. 
  
• It’s also easier to remember who they are.
  
• This will be useful in a lot of situations.
  

Step five: Ready the block button:

• If you’re interacting with politicians on Twitter, you may attract unwanted attention from deplorables, Nazis, misogynists, and other cruel people. 
  
• If you do, remember that you don’t have to talk to them. If people tweet obnoxious things at you, err on the side of blocking them.
  
• You may also want to subscribe to an automated block list in order to block known cruel people. 
  
• (I subscribe to Nazi Blocker) 
  

Now that you have a Twitter list of your representatives, here are some things you can do with it:

Check your “Representatives” list, and watch what your representatives are doing:

• When you open your list, you will see all your representatives. 
  
• This can be a fast way to keep track of all of them.
  
• Even if you don’t interact directly, or don’t often interact directly, knowing what’s going on can be helpful.
  

Reward and boost tweets you like:

• When politicians say things you agree with, like and/or retweet them.
  
• You can also reply and say something like “Thank you, I’m glad you’re representing me”.
  
• Politicians use Twitter to market themselves to constituents, so it’s useful to tell them when you see something you like.
  
• It’s also useful to show *other people* who follow you that a politician is doing something good.
  

Express disapproval of tweets you *don’t* like:

• When politicians post bad things, it’s useful to tell them that they’re upsetting constituents.
  
• Eg, you can reply saying something like “I’m a constituent, and I’m appalled that you’d do/say that”.
  

Reply with a comment:

• You can also reply with comments that say more specific things than “thank you” or “don’t do that”.
  
• It helps to say something personal that establishes 1) that you’re a constituent, and 2) that this will have a real effect on you.
  
• Politicians respond well to stories. 
  
• Eg: “I’m a North Carolina small business owner, and this healthcare bill would damage my business”
  
• Or: “As a public school teacher in [your town], I’m appalled that children are at risk of being deported as school”
  

Retweet with a comment:

• You can also retweet with a comment. If you do it that way, other people will see it. 
  
• One useful thing to do can be to tag your other representatives.
  
• Eg: say, your senator @SenatorExample tweets about supporting Good Bill [S. Example Number].
  
• You can retweet it with a comment “Thank you @ExampleSenator. @OtherSenatorFromMyState @ExampleRepresentative, do you support it too?”
  
• You can also do that with bills that other people’s senators/representatives support. (I also maintain a list of politicians I like in order to do this.)
  

You can also initiate contact yourself. Use your Twitter list to remind yourself who your representatives are/what their Twitter handles are, and then you can do these things:

When you get an action alert asking you to call your representatives, you can also tweet to them about the issue:

• Generally speaking, phone scripts are too long for Twitter — but you can still use them to make tweets!
  
• The most important part is the specific thing you’re asking them to do.
  
• Usually, this will be either asking them to vote for a bill, cosponsor a bill, or vote against a bill.
  
• Sometimes it will be other things, eg: Asking senators to call for a Senate hearing on white supremacist violence.
  
• Point being, action alerts will contain a specific ask, and your tweet should too: 
  
• Eg: “@ExampleSenator @ExampleSenator2 @ExampleRepresenative I’m a constituent from [Your Town], and I’m asking you to vote against Example Terrible Bill”.
  
• You can also add more details about who you are/why you oppose the bill.
  
• Eg: “@ExampleSenator @ExampleSenator2 @ExampleRepresenative Everyone deserves the right to vote. Please vote against the Terrible Voter Suppression Act.”
  
• Eg: “@ExampleSenator @ExampleSenator2 @ExampleRepresenative the Stop Abuses of Power Act would make us safer in [your town]. Please support it”.
  

Tell your representatives stories about issues you care about:

• Politicians tend to respond well to stories — and they can also sometimes use stories in speeches and negotiations. 
  
• Tweet a story about who you are, and why you care about the issue:
  
• Eg: “I’m disabled. Civil rights protections made it possible for me to go to school in [your town].”
  
• Eg: “My grandmother came to this country as an immigrant. Please don’t deport other people’s grandmothers”.
  
• Eg: “Violent white supremacists marched through my town. I’m scared. What are you doing about it?”
  
• (If you have relevant pictures, it can be helpful to include them.).
  

Twitter can also be very useful at protests (whether or not you’re there in person):

Tweet about protests and tag your representatives:

• These days, most protests have hashtags. Include the protest hashtag in your tweet. 
  
• If you’re there, mention that you’re there:
  
• Tweet something like “@ExampleSenator, I’m at #IStandWithPP asking you not to defund Planned Parenthood”.
  
• You can also tweet things speakers are saying at the protest.
  
• Check what others are saying in the protest hashtags. You can also retweet those, and tag your representatives saying you agree.
  

Tweet pictures of protest signs and tag your representatives:

• Tweeting close-up pictures of people with protest signs can be an effective way to show representatives that you and others care about this issue.
  
• Ask permission before taking pictures of people at protests — some people may be in danger if their picture is seen.
  
• When you ask “May I take a picture of your sign to tweet at representatives?”, most people will say yes.
  
• (But some people may ask that you leave their face out of the picture. *Always* respect this boundary. If someone doesn’t want their face in a picture, *leave their face out*).
  
• Remember to include the context when you tweet pictures, and make a specific ask.
  
• Eg: “We’re at #ProtestHashtag, asking you to protect our care by voting against Example Terrible Bill Act. @ExampleSenator @ExampleSenator2 @ExampleRepresenative” 
  
• Some people may ask you to also tag *their* representatives. In which case you can say “@ExampleSenator, one of your constituents asked me to share her sign with you. Please vote against Example Terrible Bill Act.”
  
• This can show politicians that a protest is happening, remind them that the people protesting are real people and not just generic “protestors”, and show them that some protestors are constituents.
  

If you can’t go to a protest yourself, you can still use Twitter to draw your representatives’ attention to the protest by:

• Tweeting in the protest hashtag yourself, and tagging your representatives.
  
• Watching the protest hashtag, retweeting things you agree with, and tagging your representatives in the retweet.
  
• It’s especially helpful to retweet pictures. Eg:
  
• Say you see a sign that says “Kill the bill, don’t kill us” in #HealthcareProtest. 
  
• You can retweet that, and add “@ExampleSenator Don’t kill me either. Vote against #AHCA and anything else that would cut Medicaid”.
  

It’s also useful to tweet/retweet information about where a protest is happening and why it’s happening. Whether or not you’re there, tweeting about it can help other people to go and/or boost the protest’s message.

Tl;dr Twitter can be a really useful way to interact with elected officials. Scroll up for some examples of ways to do it.

We need to be as good at lifting up as we are at calling out

In advocacy/activist space, we’ve gotten really good at noticing and naming oppression. We’ve gotten really good at criticizing the things that people are doing wrong, and demanding change. We’re also good at noticing organizations and people who shouldn’t be supported, and explaining why people shouldn’t support them.

This is important — and it’s not enough. We need to be equally good at noticing and naming things that *are* worth supporting. We need to be equally good at noticing what people are doing well, describing why their approach is good, and finding ways to support it. Calling out isn’t enough. We need to seek out things to lift up.

When we focus exclusively on finding things to call out, we send the implicit message that nothing good anyone is doing is worthy of our attention. But none of the work of building a better world happens by itself. It depends on the people who are putting the effort into doing the work. When we ignore the value of the work people are doing, we both harm those people and the work itself.

The work is hard, exhausting, and vital. It’s also often thankless — because we’re not acknowledging it in the way we need to be. Often, doing activism and advocacy means signing up for a life of being paid less than a living wage (or volunteering your very limited time), having your work ignored, and being noticed by your community only when people are angry at you.

This is particularly common when the work is done by marginalized people. Our culture socializes us to ignore the work that women and other marginalized groups do, except when we find reason to criticize it. This dynamic carries over into activism/advocacy spaces. It’s just as toxic when we do it as when corporations do it.

There’s nothing inevitable about this. We can make it stop. We can pay attention to the work people are doing, and we can show respect to the people doing it. We can describe the worthwhile things people are doing, and talk about why they should be valued. We can seek out ways to support what people are doing, whether that means donating, signal boosting, going out and voting, connecting people to each other, or any number of other things. By getting just as good at support as we are at call outs, we can make the world much better.

Advice about contacting rabbis to discuss conversion

Anonymous said to realsocialskills:
Hi! Do you have any advice re: contacting a rabbi to discuss [reform] conversion? I am disabled and struggle with a lot of anxiety (especially around communicating clearly and needing accommodations!) Please let me know if you’d rather I message you off anon. Thank you and have a great day <3

Realsocialskills said:

A few things (this is US-centric advice; it’s somewhat different in other countries):

The short version: Send them an email, say you’re interested in conversion, and ask to meet with them. If you can’t find their email on the synagogue website, there will probably be a general office email — email that and say you want to meet with the rabbi about conversion. (If you’re a college student, you might want to start with the Hillel rabbi, but you don’t have to.)

Probably what will happen next is that they’ll set a time to meet with you. Probably what will happen at that meeting is that they’ll ask why you’re interested, along with general getting-to-know-you kinds of questions. They’ll also probably want to know if you’re dating anyone, and they may want reassurance that you understand that Judaism is not a form of Christianity.  

They’re likely to tell you to take an introduction to Judaism class, through their synagogue or through a local organization. Not everyone does this, but it’s really common. Conversion almost always takes at least a year, in part to make sure that prospective converts have a clear sense of what they’re getting into.

There’s a myth that rabbis tell you to go away three times — *some* Orthodox rabbis do that, but it’s *really* uncommon in liberal movements. I know a lot of rabbis, and none of the rabbis I know would do that. You don’t have to prove your worthiness, and you don’t have to be sure what you want. 

It’s ok to feel anxious and uncomfortable. Most people do when considering conversion, especially when making first contact.

In terms of needing accommodations — there’s a *huge* range of where Jewish communities are in terms of accessibility (I’m working on improving this). I can’t tell you what your particular community is like, or how they’ll regard disability. (One thing I can say is that Jewish conversation patterns are different than the mainstream, and some people find them intrinsically more accessible. But again, I can’t say what your experiences will be access-wise.)

Also, religious descriptions of Judaism and books written for people considering conversion can sometimes be misleading about what communities are actually like. One way to learn some of the things those sources don’t cover well is to look at Jewish humor. This huge set of Jewish jokes may help. 

The drawbacks of anger, and some alternatives

A lot of things that are normal aren’t ok. It’s hard to notice this. We’re socialized to accept a lot of things that really ought to be unacceptable. When we try to object, we’re punished. Being punished for objecting is often humiliating and disorienting.

It’s hard to remember that these things are wrong even when others punish you for saying so. It’s hard to remember that you have rights when others act like you don’t.

One way to remember that things are wrong is to get angry about them. Feeling outraged can make it easier to hold onto your sense that, no, this isn’t ok, and yes, it is ok to object.

Unfortunately, the price of rage is high. Rage hurts. It’s physically unpleasant, physically exhausting, emotionally draining, and makes it hard to think clearly. The physical and emotional exhaustion from anger makes it harder to do other things. The fog of anger can lead to mistakes that make it harder to remember after the fact that you were justified in objecting. Rage is better than nothing, but there are other strategies that don’t hurt as much.

One thing that can help is to develop your understanding of the situation over time. If you learn to understand what you’re angry about and why, it can make it possible to use understanding rather than anger to stay oriented.

Questions like these can help:

• What am I angry about?
  
• Why am I angry about that?
  
• What happened that I think is wrong?
  
• Why do I think it’s wrong?
  

For instance, say I’m in class, we’re doing an activity, I’m not able to do the activity, and I’m feeling angry. We’re writing thoughts on big paper, and I can’t do handwriting well enough to participate. In that situation, I might think:

• Why am I angry?
• I’m trying to participate and failing over and over and that’s intensely frustrating.
  
• Why am I angry about that?
• Because I’m sick of being left out all the time.
  
• What happened that I think is wrong? 
• The teacher knew about my disability and didn’t do anything to accommodate it when they planned the activity. 
• When I pointed out that I couldn’t participate, they didn’t do anything to fix it.
  
• Why do I think that’s wrong? 
  
• Because I have a right to be here, and the teacher is supposed to be teaching me. 
  
• I’m a student here, and I have the right to learn the material and be part of the activities we’re using to learn it.
  
• This is disability discrimination, and that’s wrong.
  

Then, the next step in using understanding rather than anger is to notice that something is wrong before you start feeling enraged. Sometimes that can make it possible to fix the problem without having to get to the point of outrage. It can also make it more possible to decide when to fight and when not to.

For instance, take the class activity. If I remember that I have the right to be there and that it’s the teacher’s responsibility to teach me, this might happen:

• I go to class and see that there is big paper on the walls.
  
• I remember that I can’t do big paper activities.
  
• I remember that I have the right to participate in educational activities.
  
• I remember that I have the right to learn the material.
  
• I ask right away “Are we doing a big paper activity today? How will I participate?” 
  
• At this point, I’m annoyed, but not outraged, and able to assert something without it hurting so much.
  

They may or may not respond the right way — and I might still get really angry. But if that happens, I can repeat the strategy again, figure out what I’m angry about and why. Then I can get further without depending on anger the next time. (Even when you can’t win or fix the problem, it’s still often possible to use that kind of strategy to stay oriented without rage. I have more posts in the works about that specifically.)

Anger isn’t a failure. It’s ok to be angry when unacceptable things are happening. It’s also ok *not* to feel physically angry. Anger hurts, and you don’t owe anyone that kind of pain. You don’t have to be pushed to the point of rage in order to be justified in objecting to unacceptable things.

Sometimes it might help to explicitly remind yourself of this. Some affirmations that have sometimes worked for me:

• I don’t have to hurt myself to prove that this is wrong.
  
• It’s still wrong if I’m calm. 
  
• It’s still wrong if I’m not crying and shaking. 
  
• It’s still wrong if my heart isn’t pounding.
  
• Even if I’m ok, the situation isn’t ok.
  
• Even if I’m ok in this moment, it’s ok to object to a situation that’s hurting me and/or others.

It also helps not to beat yourself up for getting angry. Anger in the face of outrageous things isn’t a failure. No strategy can completely replace physical outrage for anyone. Holding yourself up to impossible standards won’t help. Working on your skills at staying oriented in other ways will.

These strategies are harder to learn and harder to use. They also make it a lot more possible to resist and stay oriented without hurting yourself. It’s not all or nothing — any skills in this area help, and it gets easier with practice.

Protest at the Capitol NOW

The vote might happen within the next hour. We’re at the Capitol protesting. If more people show up, it’s less likely to pass. If you’re around and can, consider coming to the Capitol NOW.

EDITED TO ADD: the protest is over. We won. And there are approximately a zillion posts I need to write about the political system.

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