Social skills for autonomous people

agreywood:

genderhaunt:

realsocialskills:

annekewrites:

Trick or treat ettiquite in the US

ramblingsandissues:

deaf-hitman:

realsocialskills:

In most areas in the US, it is traditional for children to go trick-or-treating on the evening of Halloween (October 31st). This…

agreywood: said:

It’s also important to remember that most people are poor judges of age. I went trick or treating at 17 without comment, but my brother got comments that same year (he was 15). We were both behaving the same.

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Trick or treat ettiquite in the US

2ifbifrost:

realsocialskills:

realsocialskills said:

How do you find out if you’re in an area in which trick or treating happens during the day? Do you have to check the news, or are there fliers or something?

2ifbifrost said:

A good way to do it is search the name of your city + trick or treating hours + the current year. For example, Springfield trick or treating hours 2014 or Central City trick or treating hours 2014. City websites and newspaper websites are the most reliable. It will probably be mentioned on the local news.

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iamacanadianexport:

Trick or treat ettiquite in the US

andreashettle:

realsocialskills:

cryptfly:

realsocialskills:

deaf-hitman:

realsocialskills:

In most areas in the US, it is traditional for children to go trick-or-treating on the evening of Halloween (October 31st). This means that they put on a costume and go…

iamacanadianexport said:

Another option if you don’t want to have kids trick-or-treat and knock at your door is putting up a sign at child level that says “Please no Trick-or-Treaters.” I have a dog that gets pretty traumatized by all the knocking and having strangers appear at the door so I don’t participate. I also live in an apartment complex where we have no porch lights to turn on and off which is why I put up the sign. It works most of the time but there are usually one of two kids who still might knock.

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Please send me Halloween asks

What do you want to know about Halloween?

What do you wish other people knew about Halloween?

If you’re a parent (or otherwise responsible for kids), what do you want to know about (autistic or otherwise) kids and Halloween?

reblog

genderhaunt:

realsocialskills:

annekewrites:

Trick or treat ettiquite in the US

ramblingsandissues:

deaf-hitman:

realsocialskills:

In most areas in the US, it is traditional for children to go trick-or-treating on the evening of Halloween (October 31st). This means that they put on a costume and go door to door asking for candy.

If you put up Halloween decorations, or you have your…

Many of my older special education teens like to dress up and go trick or treating. They sometimes get refused or hasdassed for being too old, despite being like “children” in many ways.

I also know of teenagers who go “trick-or-treating” just for free candy, knowing it is not really for them. I have seen some of these older youth be rude to the younger children by pushing past them, cutting them off and scaring them.

Here is what I do:
If the trick-or-treater is dressed in costume and following norms like taking turns and watching for smaller people, I do not address their age and treat them as you would the other kids. (Don’t say, “You’re too old for this.”)
If they are dressed up but not following norms, I take make them wait a bit and tell them that because they are bigger then other people out they need to be extra careful around the smaller people because we want everyone to have fun. If they are resceptive and understand, I give them candy and tell them to have fun. (I do this if I witness little ones being rude as well, with a shorter and different talk)
The only time I ask how old they are is if they are not in costume and not following norms. I may not give these teens candy depending on how the conversation turns out. However, as an educator and youth worker, I am comfortable having these conversations.

I guess I would want others to know that even if a person looks “too old” they may be developmently delayed or large for thier age. I don’t believe this things disclude them from participating.

annekewrites said:

In my neighborhood there actually weren’t a lot of kids of trick-or-treating age at the time I was of trick-or-treating age.  What we did have was a neighbor whose mother was from another country (I believe it was either Sweden or Switzerland, but my memory is fuzzy) and who had never been.  So they dressed her up as Big Bird and took her trick-or-treating, and it was awesome.

As far as older teenagers who really should know better, something that often happened in my experience was for them to be “in costume” in a really inappropriate way while trick-or-treating - “pimp and hooker” seemed to be a perennial favorite.  That’s one where I WOULD (at least sorely be tempted to) say that they’re too old for this.

realsocialskills said:

Do you know a good way of reacting to teenagers who do that?

genderhaunt said:

A script that I’ve used in the past and that I’d feel ok hearing when I’m out as a 19 year old this year is as follows:

"Trick or treating is basically a trade, you come to my door in costume and behaving in a family friendly way, I give you candy.  You aren’t holding up your end of that unspoken deal by [being rude to the children/wearing a costume that isn’t family friendly/not wearing a costume/etc] so maybe come back when you’re doing so."

I found that it worked, most teens didn’t come back but a few did.  I think it works because it assumed maturity instead of assuming that they were being “bad” in any way by still wanting to trick or treat.  Halloween is hard when you’re too old to really trick or treat but too young to do anything else. 

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Headphones can mean leave me alone

When people are in public places like a library, street, coffee shop,or subway, they often wear headphones as a way to create some private space.

People who wear headphones or earbuds in public usually do not want to be approached by strangers. If you know them well, it might be ok to ask, but it’s probably better to err on the side of leaving them alone.

The flip side: if you wear headphones, most people will assume that you don’t want to be approached. If you’re wearing headphones for sensory reasons but you want to interact with people, you will likely have to initiate it yourself. It also might help to let your friends know that you welcome interaction even when you are wearing headphones.

reblog

annekewrites:

Trick or treat ettiquite in the US

ramblingsandissues:

deaf-hitman:

realsocialskills:

In most areas in the US, it is traditional for children to go trick-or-treating on the evening of Halloween (October 31st). This means that they put on a costume and go door to door asking for candy.

If you put up Halloween decorations, or you have your…

Many of my older special education teens like to dress up and go trick or treating. They sometimes get refused or hasdassed for being too old, despite being like “children” in many ways.

I also know of teenagers who go “trick-or-treating” just for free candy, knowing it is not really for them. I have seen some of these older youth be rude to the younger children by pushing past them, cutting them off and scaring them.

Here is what I do:
If the trick-or-treater is dressed in costume and following norms like taking turns and watching for smaller people, I do not address their age and treat them as you would the other kids. (Don’t say, “You’re too old for this.”)
If they are dressed up but not following norms, I take make them wait a bit and tell them that because they are bigger then other people out they need to be extra careful around the smaller people because we want everyone to have fun. If they are resceptive and understand, I give them candy and tell them to have fun. (I do this if I witness little ones being rude as well, with a shorter and different talk)
The only time I ask how old they are is if they are not in costume and not following norms. I may not give these teens candy depending on how the conversation turns out. However, as an educator and youth worker, I am comfortable having these conversations.

I guess I would want others to know that even if a person looks “too old” they may be developmently delayed or large for thier age. I don’t believe this things disclude them from participating.

annekewrites said:

In my neighborhood there actually weren’t a lot of kids of trick-or-treating age at the time I was of trick-or-treating age.  What we did have was a neighbor whose mother was from another country (I believe it was either Sweden or Switzerland, but my memory is fuzzy) and who had never been.  So they dressed her up as Big Bird and took her trick-or-treating, and it was awesome.

As far as older teenagers who really should know better, something that often happened in my experience was for them to be “in costume” in a really inappropriate way while trick-or-treating - “pimp and hooker” seemed to be a perennial favorite.  That’s one where I WOULD (at least sorely be tempted to) say that they’re too old for this.

realsocialskills said:

Do you know a good way of reacting to teenagers who do that?

reblog
Trick or treat ettiquite in the US

cryptfly:

realsocialskills:

deaf-hitman:

realsocialskills:

In most areas in the US, it is traditional for children to go trick-or-treating on the evening of Halloween (October 31st). This means that they put on a costume and go door to door asking for candy.

If you put up Halloween decorations, or you have your porch light on, people will assume that you welcome trick-or-treaters and will be annoyed with you if you don’t give them candy. If you have no Halloween decorations and turn your porch light off, most people will leave you alone (but you will probably get a few obnoxious people trying to demand candy anyway, and possibly a few kids who don’t understand that rule).

When you give out candy at home on Halloween, it’s considered acceptable to wear either a costume or normal clothing. If you wear a costume while giving candy to trick or treaters, make sure that it is not sexually suggestive. (Suggestive costumes are ok at Halloween parties for adults, and are likely to be considered ok on the street, but they’re not ok to wear if you’re interacting with children.)

The expected candy to give out is miniature (“fun-sized”) candy bars or other small, individually-wrapped candly. You can get bags of appropriate Halloween candy at grocery stores, drug stores, and many other kinds of stores before Halloween. Candy you give out needs to be individually wrapped because most children are taught that it is dangerous to accept unwrapped candy. Most children are also taught that it is dangerous to accept homemade treats.

Do not invite trick or treaters inside. Children are taught that it is dangerous to go into a stranger’s house. (A partial exception -
in some communities it is considered acceptable to set up a haunted house in your home and invite trick or treaters to walk through it. Figuring out whether or not this is ok is complicated, and it is easy to get wrong and end up seeming really creepy. It’s the kind of thing that’s only likely to be ok if you’re in a neighborhood where people know each other, you are friends with the parents in the neighborhood, and kids already spend time in your house. Don’t do it if nobody knows you.)

The easiest way to distribute candy is to keep a bowl by your door and to drop a piece into each trick or treater’s treat bag. One piece of candy is enough; people will be pleased if you give more than one piece. Some people let kids pick their candy from a bowl with a variety of candies in it. If you do this, some kids will take more than one piece, and it’s best not to get too upset or confrontational about it. (If you can’t tolerate kids doing that, it’s better to just put the candy in their treat bag yourself, which is considered completely acceptable.)

It’s ok to compliment costumes. It’s considered rude to say anything critical about them. If you can’t tell what someone is dressed as, it can be ok to ask, but you have to be careful about tone. (“Who are you?” or “What are you dressed as?” is more likely to be ok; “What are you supposed to be?” is likely to be heard as insulting, especially if you sound annoyed.)

It’s probably better to err on the side of not calling a kid’s costume cute, because kids who are old enough to understand what cute means are often sensitive about not being perceived as little kids. If you want to compliment a costume, “cool”, “creative”, “pretty”, and “beautiful” are more likely to be appreciated. Or something specific, eg “Wow, I love superheroes!” or “That’s an awesome shade of blue.”

Be careful about assuming gender - some kids dressed as Batman might be girls, and some kids dressed as unicorns might be boys. (Eg “What a lovely Rainbow Dash costume!” is better than “What a lovely girl!”).

Trick or treaters are often accompanied by parents. It’s not considered necessary to give candy to parents. When teenagers take children trick or treating, it’s good to also give candy to the teenagers (especially if they are wearing a costume). It’s no fun to watch younger siblings get candy without getting any yourself.

That’s about what I think I know about giving candy to trick or treaters. What did I miss?

deaf-hitman said:

In my community, it’s also considered perfectly normal to leave the bowl of candy out on the porch, with the porch lights on, and a sign that lets trick or treaters know they can help themselves. (Lots of people also write “Please take one,” or “Please take two.”) It’s a good idea if you want to pass out candy to the trick or treaters but either can’t keep getting up to answer the door, or if all the interaction is draining. Plus, in my experience, kids don’t mind it at all. It’s much faster than waiting at the door, which means they can keep moving for more candy!

realsocialskills said:

Oh, right. I forgot about that. The one thing about that is that it’s very likely that some kids will take all the candy quickly. So it’s worth paying attention to whether it’s running out so that you can turn your porch light out once the bowl is empty.

cryptfly said:

Some communities (like my neighborhood, middle of a big city) also don’t have trick or treating at night (it can be too dangerous) and instead have it mid afternoon so turning your porch light on or off does nothing. So the only way to not give out candy is pretty much not to answer the door.

realsocialskills said:

How do you find out if you’re in an area in which trick or treating happens during the day? Do you have to check the news, or are there fliers or something?

reblog
Trick or treat ettiquite in the US

cavesofaltamira:

realsocialskills:

deaf-hitman:

realsocialskills:

In most areas in the US, it is traditional for children to go trick-or-treating on the evening of Halloween (October 31st). This means that they put on a costume and go door to door asking for candy.

If you put up Halloween decorations, or you have your porch light on, people will assume that you welcome trick-or-treaters and will be annoyed with you if you don’t give them candy. If you have no Halloween decorations and turn your porch light off, most people will leave you alone (but you will probably get a few obnoxious people trying to demand candy anyway, and possibly a few kids who don’t understand that rule).

When you give out candy at home on Halloween, it’s considered acceptable to wear either a costume or normal clothing. If you wear a costume while giving candy to trick or treaters, make sure that it is not sexually suggestive. (Suggestive costumes are ok at Halloween parties for adults, and are likely to be considered ok on the street, but they’re not ok to wear if you’re interacting with children.)

The expected candy to give out is miniature (“fun-sized”) candy bars or other small, individually-wrapped candly. You can get bags of appropriate Halloween candy at grocery stores, drug stores, and many other kinds of stores before Halloween. Candy you give out needs to be individually wrapped because most children are taught that it is dangerous to accept unwrapped candy. Most children are also taught that it is dangerous to accept homemade treats.

Do not invite trick or treaters inside. Children are taught that it is dangerous to go into a stranger’s house. (A partial exception -
in some communities it is considered acceptable to set up a haunted house in your home and invite trick or treaters to walk through it. Figuring out whether or not this is ok is complicated, and it is easy to get wrong and end up seeming really creepy. It’s the kind of thing that’s only likely to be ok if you’re in a neighborhood where people know each other, you are friends with the parents in the neighborhood, and kids already spend time in your house. Don’t do it if nobody knows you.)

The easiest way to distribute candy is to keep a bowl by your door and to drop a piece into each trick or treater’s treat bag. One piece of candy is enough; people will be pleased if you give more than one piece. Some people let kids pick their candy from a bowl with a variety of candies in it. If you do this, some kids will take more than one piece, and it’s best not to get too upset or confrontational about it. (If you can’t tolerate kids doing that, it’s better to just put the candy in their treat bag yourself, which is considered completely acceptable.)

It’s ok to compliment costumes. It’s considered rude to say anything critical about them. If you can’t tell what someone is dressed as, it can be ok to ask, but you have to be careful about tone. (“Who are you?” or “What are you dressed as?” is more likely to be ok; “What are you supposed to be?” is likely to be heard as insulting, especially if you sound annoyed.)

It’s probably better to err on the side of not calling a kid’s costume cute, because kids who are old enough to understand what cute means are often sensitive about not being perceived as little kids. If you want to compliment a costume, “cool”, “creative”, “pretty”, and “beautiful” are more likely to be appreciated. Or something specific, eg “Wow, I love superheroes!” or “That’s an awesome shade of blue.”

Be careful about assuming gender - some kids dressed as Batman might be girls, and some kids dressed as unicorns might be boys. (Eg “What a lovely Rainbow Dash costume!” is better than “What a lovely girl!”).

Trick or treaters are often accompanied by parents. It’s not considered necessary to give candy to parents. When teenagers take children trick or treating, it’s good to also give candy to the teenagers (especially if they are wearing a costume). It’s no fun to watch younger siblings get candy without getting any yourself.

That’s about what I think I know about giving candy to trick or treaters. What did I miss?

deaf-hitman said:

In my community, it’s also considered perfectly normal to leave the bowl of candy out on the porch, with the porch lights on, and a sign that lets trick or treaters know they can help themselves. (Lots of people also write “Please take one,” or “Please take two.”) It’s a good idea if you want to pass out candy to the trick or treaters but either can’t keep getting up to answer the door, or if all the interaction is draining. Plus, in my experience, kids don’t mind it at all. It’s much faster than waiting at the door, which means they can keep moving for more candy!

realsocialskills said:

Oh, right. I forgot about that. The one thing about that is that it’s very likely that some kids will take all the candy quickly. So it’s worth paying attention to whether it’s running out so that you can turn your porch light out once the bowl is empty.

cavesofaltamira said:

I have seen some people give out the standard size candy bars or even money but it’s usually in a smaller neighborhood where everyone knows each other. Sometimes people also give out “grab bags” with candies and small toys like spider rings or novelty items like fake insects or rubber rats, bags of popcorn (sometimes orange and black-colored), miniature cans of soda, and small bags of snack food like potato chips or cookies (pre-packaged and store-bought of course). Be mindful of children with allergies or sensitivities to gluten, nuts, etc. so be sure to have other options for them and check allergy warnings on food labels.

You can also sometimes get trick or treaters asking for donations for charities - be sure to have some change to give to them if you wish to donate.

Also if you have pets, I would probably suggest keeping them inside if they’re jumpy or easily excitable around people regardless of how friendly they are with them or not. My dog is really great with children and just people in general but he gets really excited to meet people and if we open the door, he will escape between your legs and run out like he’s going to attack but actually he just wants to greet them - which has scared and angered some families before. You can’t really assume what someone’s past experiences with animals are, especially if they have dealt with trauma related to dogs.

For that we ended up taking out the screen on one of the front windows and just handing kids candy from the window. That way we can hand out candy but also the dog doesn’t scare off any kids. Generally keeping them contained somewhere in the house will do just fine though, just make sure they have access to their food/water until trick or treating is over. Having another person to watch them and take them out if they have to go outside to go potty while you’re serving kids helps.

Also if you own a black-colored cat, keep them indoors since black cats are considered “evil” or “unlucky” by certain superstitious people if they see one on Halloween and someone may want to harm them.

You can also sometimes get teenagers to your door asking for candy - certain neighborhoods frown against serving teenagers but you can make that decision on your own. Usually if they’re wearing a costume and they’re with a group of friends from school, it’s okay.

realsocialskills said:

I agree that it’s a good idea to keep your pets inside, especially big friendly dogs who will get in people’s faces when they come to the door. (I don’t know if it’s true that black cats are in higher danger than others on Halloween, but it’s a good idea to keep *any* cats inside when the neighborhood is about to be flooded with a lot of unfamiliar people who may or may not be nice to cats.)

If you can give people the full-sized candy bar, it will make kids very happy. But it is not necessary and it gets expensive if you have a lot of trick or treaters. Fun sized candy bars are fine.

It’s good if you can provide options for people with allergies, but it’s also good to be aware that parents of kids with allergies usually have ways of dealing with trick or treating. If you don’t have the spoons to investigate allergy information, it’s still ok to participate, and you won’t be endangering anyone.

I agree that it’s totally ok to give candy to teenagers (I definitely would myself), especially if they are wearing costumes (so long as they aren’t doing obnoxious things like pushing little kids out of the way or wrecking up people’s decorations.)

reblog
Trick or treat ettiquite in the US

deaf-hitman:

realsocialskills:

In most areas in the US, it is traditional for children to go trick-or-treating on the evening of Halloween (October 31st). This means that they put on a costume and go door to door asking for candy.

If you put up Halloween decorations, or you have your porch light on, people will assume that you welcome trick-or-treaters and will be annoyed with you if you don’t give them candy. If you have no Halloween decorations and turn your porch light off, most people will leave you alone (but you will probably get a few obnoxious people trying to demand candy anyway, and possibly a few kids who don’t understand that rule).

When you give out candy at home on Halloween, it’s considered acceptable to wear either a costume or normal clothing. If you wear a costume while giving candy to trick or treaters, make sure that it is not sexually suggestive. (Suggestive costumes are ok at Halloween parties for adults, and are likely to be considered ok on the street, but they’re not ok to wear if you’re interacting with children.)

The expected candy to give out is miniature (“fun-sized”) candy bars or other small, individually-wrapped candly. You can get bags of appropriate Halloween candy at grocery stores, drug stores, and many other kinds of stores before Halloween. Candy you give out needs to be individually wrapped because most children are taught that it is dangerous to accept unwrapped candy. Most children are also taught that it is dangerous to accept homemade treats.

Do not invite trick or treaters inside. Children are taught that it is dangerous to go into a stranger’s house. (A partial exception -
in some communities it is considered acceptable to set up a haunted house in your home and invite trick or treaters to walk through it. Figuring out whether or not this is ok is complicated, and it is easy to get wrong and end up seeming really creepy. It’s the kind of thing that’s only likely to be ok if you’re in a neighborhood where people know each other, you are friends with the parents in the neighborhood, and kids already spend time in your house. Don’t do it if nobody knows you.)

The easiest way to distribute candy is to keep a bowl by your door and to drop a piece into each trick or treater’s treat bag. One piece of candy is enough; people will be pleased if you give more than one piece. Some people let kids pick their candy from a bowl with a variety of candies in it. If you do this, some kids will take more than one piece, and it’s best not to get too upset or confrontational about it. (If you can’t tolerate kids doing that, it’s better to just put the candy in their treat bag yourself, which is considered completely acceptable.)

It’s ok to compliment costumes. It’s considered rude to say anything critical about them. If you can’t tell what someone is dressed as, it can be ok to ask, but you have to be careful about tone. (“Who are you?” or “What are you dressed as?” is more likely to be ok; “What are you supposed to be?” is likely to be heard as insulting, especially if you sound annoyed.)

It’s probably better to err on the side of not calling a kid’s costume cute, because kids who are old enough to understand what cute means are often sensitive about not being perceived as little kids. If you want to compliment a costume, “cool”, “creative”, “pretty”, and “beautiful” are more likely to be appreciated. Or something specific, eg “Wow, I love superheroes!” or “That’s an awesome shade of blue.”

Be careful about assuming gender - some kids dressed as Batman might be girls, and some kids dressed as unicorns might be boys. (Eg “What a lovely Rainbow Dash costume!” is better than “What a lovely girl!”).

Trick or treaters are often accompanied by parents. It’s not considered necessary to give candy to parents. When teenagers take children trick or treating, it’s good to also give candy to the teenagers (especially if they are wearing a costume). It’s no fun to watch younger siblings get candy without getting any yourself.

That’s about what I think I know about giving candy to trick or treaters. What did I miss?

deaf-hitman said:

In my community, it’s also considered perfectly normal to leave the bowl of candy out on the porch, with the porch lights on, and a sign that lets trick or treaters know they can help themselves. (Lots of people also write “Please take one,” or “Please take two.”) It’s a good idea if you want to pass out candy to the trick or treaters but either can’t keep getting up to answer the door, or if all the interaction is draining. Plus, in my experience, kids don’t mind it at all. It’s much faster than waiting at the door, which means they can keep moving for more candy!

realsocialskills said:

Oh, right. I forgot about that. The one thing about that is that it’s very likely that some kids will take all the candy quickly. So it’s worth paying attention to whether it’s running out so that you can turn your porch light out once the bowl is empty.

reblog