If you’re making color-coded signs, also write the colors on the signs.
For instance, if your train has a red line, write “red line” on red line signs.
This makes the color-coded things useable by colorblind people.
Category: Uncategorized
Assume your audience contains poor people
Many teachers, religious leaders, and civic leaders want to raise awareness of poverty, often in a move to get their people to favor more socially progressive laws.
One way they do this is by promoting poverty simulations like The Snap Challenge or a Hunger Banquet.
Often, the way they talk about this undermines their own message by assuming that there are no poor people actually in the room. Or, even more so, speaking as though only privileged people have a place in the conversation about poverty.
The fact of the matter is, in just about any room you’re in, there will be people who already know what it’s like to depend on food stamps. There are people in the room who depend on food stamps or have in the past, and they know more about it than the people who spent a few days playing a game.
Those are the voices that should be primary in the conversation. When you’re trying to get people to care about poverty, don’t drown out the voices of actual poor people.
Some practical things this means:
- Don’t ask people if they’ve done the food stamp challenge yet
- Don’t tell a whole room you’re addressing that everyone should do it, because there are people in the room who shouldn’t, and people in the room who have n choice
- If you’re talking about these things, explicitly acknowledge that probably some people in the room already know what this is like and don’t need a simulation to tell them
- And point out explicitly that you don’t really know what things are like after a few days
- Especially since people get all sorts of social points for participating in those things, people who are *actually* poor get shame and hate and hostility.
- Simulations only simulate some things, and not necessarily the most important things
- Do not talk over people who have experienced the real thing
When you say “we” to a room, make sure your we includes poor people. If you don’t feel like you can do that within the exercise you’re doing, it’s probably a program that shouldn’t be happening anyway.
When your right to say no is entirely hypothetical
Some scary controlling people will tell you over and over how important consent is to them. They will tell you that they want to respect your boundaries, and that if anything makes you uncomfortable, they will stop. They will say this over and over, apparently sincerely.
Until you actually say no.
And then, suddenly, they create a reason that it wasn’t ok, after all, and that you’re going to do what they wanted anyway.
They will tell you that it *would* be ok to say no, and that of course they’d respect it, but you said it wrong. And that you have to understand that it hurts them when you say it that way. (And that you should make it better by doing what they wanted).
Or they will tell you that of course they don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but you said yes before. And that this means that either it’s really ok with you, or that you don’t trust them anymore. And that you have to understand that it hurts when you withdraw trust like that (and that you should make it better by doing what they wanted.)
Or that they have a headache. Or that they just can’t deal with it right now. That maybe when they feel better or aren’t tired or grumpy or had a better day it will be ok to say no. (And that meanwhile, you should fix things by doing what they wanted).
Or that by saying no, you’re accusing them of being an awful person. And that they’d never do anything to hurt you, so why are you making accusations like that? (And, implicitly, that you should fix it by doing what they wanted.)
If this kind of thing happens every time you say no, things are really wrong.
No isn’t a theoretical construct. In mutually respectful relationships, people say no to each other often, and it’s not a big deal
Don’t let someone tell you that you’re “not that kind of person”
Sometimes this happens:
- You’re worried that you’ve done a bad thing.
- Or that you’re going to do a bad thing
- And you go to someone for help thinking through it
- And they say “Oh, no, you’re not the kind of person who would do that.”
That’s not a good thing to take for an answer, because there aren’t kinds of people who do bad things and kinds of people who don’t. Everyone does bad things sometimes. It’s really important to keep that in mind, and to actively work on noticing and fixing it.
Doing right by others is a skill. One you always have to keep working on. Not an innate attribute.
If you’re worried that you’ve done wrong, don’t let someone tell you that you’re not the kind of person who would do such a thing. When you’re worried about the possibility of hurting people, what matters is to figure out what you are actually doing. It’s not a referendum on what kind of person you are. It’s about what you do, and how to make what you do good.
The power of “I can’t”
People will try to tell you that you can do things you can’t do.
It’s hard to insist that no, you can’t do them. Or that you can’t do them safely. Or that you can’t do them without using up all your spoons and losing the capacity to do things that are more important.
They will tell you that this is giving up, or being lazy. They will tell you this with their words and their body language. And by pretending that you have not said anything, and just refusing to take into account your actual abilities.
They will tell you this with hate. They will tell you this with good intentions. They will tell you this as concern trolls and terrified parents.
Sometimes, in that situation, it’s easy to feel like you aren’t allowed to say no until you’ve run yourself into the ground trying, or until you’ve tried and failed and things have gone badly wrong. Because people won’t believe you, and will put pressure on you in all kinds of ways.
The thing is, they’re wrong, and you don’t have to believe them or comply with their demands.
It helps a lot to be confident in your ability to judge what you can and can’t do. Sometimes you have to say no over and over.
Knowing ahead of time that something won’t work for you and insisting on planning accordingly isn’t lazy.
It’s being responsible.
Sometimes abstract discussions are not appropriate
If someone is telling you about a bad situation they’re in, or something they’re upset about, it’s probably not a good time to launch into an abstract discussion of something tangentially related.
For instance:
- Jane: My coworkers keep hitting on me. It’s really getting to be a problem.
- Bill: Well, hitting on people can be very important.
Likewise, when someone wants support for a bad thing that happened, that is probably not a good time to have an abstract conversation with them about the nature of the words they’re using.
For instance:
- Bruce: This is such an awful work schedule. My boss keeps telling me it doesn’t matter because we’re doing such awesome things. He’s so freaking invested in his privilege.
- Leo: I don’t know that I’d call that privilege. I mean, obnoxiousness sure, but I’m not seeing the privilege. Doesn’t privilege mean being part of a privileged group? How’s your boss privileged?
Bill and Leo might be right, but what they’re saying isn’t appropriate in context. They’re changing the subject to make it about something else they want to discuss in an abstract way, rather than listening to the problem the person is actually talking about.
That’s obnoxious. (And it’s different from calling people on bad things they do, which can be important too. This subject-change to an abstract topic rather than the problem at hand is a different thing than saying “hey, you’re saying something messed up here”.)
Clarification regarding praise as a red flag
Obviously people don’t badmouth their organization to outsiders their organization is trying to recruit; doing so is unprofessional.
I’m talking about a different thing.
The thing where staff spend an extraordinary amount of time praising the organization and press people it serves to do so as well.
And in which it’s really hard to find any criticism *anywhere*, and where people are really forcefully saying how great it is, in a way that goes way beyond professionalism and recruitment spin.
Does anyone know a better way to describe the thing I’m talking about?
The word “institution”
In a disability context, “institution” means something like “an organization that keeps disabled folks separate from mainstream society and under the control of others”.
It used to be fairly common practice for families (under great pressure from doctors and state authorities) to send their disabled children to residential institutions and then have no further relationship with them. That’s fallen out of favor in the past couple of decades, but a lot of the underlying power dynamics remain in service providers in other settings.
For instance, group homes are often referred to as being “living in the community” rather than “institutions”, but they also often have identical power dynamics.
Similarly, some places will say that they are not institutions but are rather “intentional communities” or some sort of utopian village because they are farms and cottages rather than big harshly lit buildings. But again, they have the same power dynamics.
The power dynamics can be hard to spot if you don’t know how to look for them, because a lot of institutions will go out of their way to pretend they’re doing something fundamentally different.
Some signs that a place might be an institution
Lack of accomodation for disability:
- An organization workign with disabled or elderly or sick people ought to have a clue about access and adaptability
- If they don’t, it’s a major red flag
- Some examples:
- If there are a lot of people who need wheelchairs, and none of them have personally-fitted chairs, that’s a red flag. If everyone is using an institutional wheelchair, it’s probably an institution
- If there are a lot of residents who have limited use of their hands, and no one has any adaptive equipment for doing things like changing TV channels, it’s probably an institution
People conflate patient/client opinions with family opinions
- For instance, if they claim that everyone there wants to be, but then they only talk about what family members say about it
- If it’s a place people can be put into by their family members without any attempt made to see if they consent
- If all the information on a website is for family members or social workers, and none of it is directed at people who might live in or get services from a place, it’s probably an institution
If people need staff assistance or permission to contact the outside world
- If people who can use phones independently don’t have access to phones without asking first, it’s probably an institution
- If there are no computers available, or all the computers are in public places, it’s probably an institution
- If you need a password for the wifi and the residents don’t have the password, it’s probably an institution
- If nobody has a personal cell phone, landline, or computer, it’s probably an institution
Concepts of functioning levels
- If a place claims to be a last resort for people who can’t function in a normal setting, it’s probably an institution and it’s probably doing horrible things
Bragging about mundane things as evidence of being wonderful places:
- It’s very common for institutions to loudly proclaim that they have a pool, TVs, a barber shop, a charity shop people can work in, or other such things
- If they think this is deeply impressive, something is wrong
- Things that wouldn’t be particularly notable in an apartment building or neighborhood shouldn’t be particularly notable just because elderly or disabled people are involved
- If people think they are, it’s probably an institution, and it’s probably intentionally confusing clients about what it means to be free and in the community
If people involved are required to regularly praise it
- Everyone is disgruntled with workplaces or other aspects of their life sometimes
- Free people express this sometimes
- If everyone involved in an organization says it’s wonderful, and you can’t find anything people it serves are willing to complain about, something is wrong
- This is particularly the case if the wall or website is full of testimonials about how great it is
- And also particularly the case if people are regularly required to sing songs praising the place
If there isn’t serious regard for the privacy of people the organization serves
- For instance, if there is a description of every single resident and their activities available on a public website, something is wrong
- If you are brought into someone’s room without their freely given consent just so you can see what the rooms look like, it’s probably an institution
Some indications that a facebook profile might be fake
Some people use fake facebook profiles to stalk or harass other people.
Here are some things that are red flags for a fake profile:
Having very few friends:
- Most Facebook users friend mostly people they know in person, or friends of friends
- If someone doesn’t friend anyone they know, it’s suspicious – it’s possible that they don’t know anyone because they aren’t actually a real person.
- That’s not an absolute indicator. While it is unusual, some people create Facebook profiles in order to interact with strangers. (Some of those people use pseudonyms in order to maintain their privacy. That’s not the same as a fake account).
- It’s also fairly common for people to friend people they know and people they don’t know. People who do this usually have a lot of Facebook friends.
- People who friend strangers generally friend a lot of strangers. If they’re only friending you and a couple of other people, that’s suspicious. It suggests that the account is about getting access to you, rather than finding people to talk to.
- This is particularly the case if they still have very few friends weeks after friending you.
Having suspicious clusters of friends:
- If there are six people who are all friends with each other and each profile has hardly any other friends, they may all be fake profiles created to make the primary fake profile look more realistic
- Being a person who friends strangers but has few friends is suspicious in itself. A cluster of people who have hardly any friends is *extremely* suspicious.
- This is particularly the case if the accounts were all created at around the same time
- (Again, especially if some of the accounts are claiming to be college alumni in their 20s – it’s very unusual for people who really are in that group to create a profile *after* college. If a whole cluster does that, it’s suspicious).
Undue interest in you:
- If someone is showing way more interest in you than would be expected between strangers, it’s suspicious
- It’s an indication that the person talking to you might be someone you know who you don’t want to talk to. (Especially if they’re using unusual idioms you associate with that person).
- Also if they seem to share *all* of your interests and have very few interests that you don’t share.
- Especially if they’ve joined hard-to-find groups that you created.
- It’s a red flag for other things too; people who decide that you are emotionally close before you’ve actually established a relationship are dangerous.
Claims about college that don’t match their profile
- People who went to college almost always have friends from that college.
- This is particularly the case for people in their 20s.
- If someone claims to have gone to a school and has no or very few friends from that school, it’s suspicious.
- (It’s not an absolute indicator).
- If you call the alumni office, you can ask if a person with that name ever went to that school, and they are generally willing to tell you.
- If the alumni office tells you that no one by that name went there, it’s a very strong indicator that the account is fake, especially in combination with other factors.
Pictures:
- People usually post pictures of themselves on facebook.
- It’s suspicious if they don’t.
- Particularly if they post pictures of other things
- (But not an absolute indicator – some people do this for innocent reasons, or to protect their privacy)
- If their pictures seem unduly familiar, or have unusual objects you recognize, take that seriously. Even if you’re not sure why it feels that way.