Content note: This post is about abuse in a way that may not be obvious from the first paragraph.
I’ve seen adults and teenagers on Tumblr and other places saying things like “adults are terrible” or “never trust adults”. Sometimes it’s a joke, but often people mean it.
I think this is creating a dangerous situation for teenagers. Predators can use that sentiment to isolate teenagers, and to groom them for emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
If a predator convinces a teenage victim that adults are inherently untrustworthy, they have made it much easier to get away with abuse by making it harder to get outside perspective:
- If an abuser convinces a teenager not to trust any other adults, they’ve effectively prevented them from asking any other adults for perspective if something feels wrong
- Which makes it a lot easier for them to convince the teenager that abuse is normal, and that they have to accept abuse in order to get close to anyone
- It’s much harder to get away with abusing a teenager who can ask other experienced adults “I’m feeling uncomfortable with this. Is this normal? What do you think?”
- Teenagers who believe that they have nowhere to turn can be very, very vulnerable.
For teenagers, I think this is worth keeping in mind:
- The adult saying “adults are horrible” is an adult. Saying that doesn’t make them any less of an adult.
- They want you to think that adults are bad, and they also want you to think that *they* are good
- So what they’re really saying, usually, is “trust me, but don’t listen to any other adults”.
- That would only be warranted if they were somehow the only good adult in the world. And they’re *not*.
- There are a lot of good adults in the world. Adults who can be good friends to teenagers will not want to be the only adult in your life.
- People who try to isolate you are not good friends.
There are a lot of horrible adults in the world, but adulthood is not horrible in and of itself. Being an adult just means that you made it to a particular age, and that you’ve hopefully learned certain things about the world. When an adult who spends a lot of time with teenagers also goes on and on about how bad adults are, it’s usually a bad sign.
Short version: There are a lot of bad adults in the world, and also a lot of good adults. Some adults try to convince teenagers that good adults are very rare. Those adults are dangerous, and it’s important not to tolerate that kind of attitude towards teenagers.