Sometimes manipulative people will use someone’s happiness to justify mistreating them. It works something like this:
- Sometimes people force or pressure someone into a bad situation.
- Then they tell them that it’s really a good situation.
- And that they’ll like it if they give it a chance.
- They’’re treated badly, in ways that no one should have to put up with.
- Then they, through effort and creativity, manage to enjoy some things even though the situation is bad and they’re being mistreated.
- Maybe they even find a way to be reasonably happy a lot of the time.
- Then the manipulative person says: See? You gave it a chance, and now you’re happy!
If someone with power over you plays this kind of mind game, it can be very disorienting. They may be able to simultaneously make you feel ashamed of objecting to their injustice, and also ashamed of any happiness you might find. But actually, it’s ok to enjoy things, it’s ok to object to mistreatment, and it’s ok to do both of those things at the same time.
It can help to keep in mind that the world doesn’t actually revolve around the people who have unjust power over you. You do not belong to them. Your ability to enjoy things isn’t a gift they’re giving you; it’s something you’re creating even though they’re putting you into a very bad situation. Your life is yours, and so are the things you have found ways to care about.
If people treat you unjustly, dehumanize you, or otherwise mistreat you, that is wrong even if you manage to build some good things into your life. They’re in the wrong even if you are ok, and even if you are happy. If you make the best of a bad situation, that is an accomplishment that belongs to you. It doesn’t make the situation ok, and it doesn’t give others the right to treat you badly. You don’t have to earn the right to object to mistreatment by being constantly miserable. You have every right to object to injustice and wrongs being done to you even if you are happy.
Finding things you can value and enjoy is not consent; it’s resistance. That’s why manipulative people try to co-opt it.
Short version: Sometimes people forced into bad situations find things to enjoy, and maybe even find ways to be happy. That doesn’t make the situations good. Some people may try to convince you that injustices done to you aren’t really unjust if you are happy. Those people are wrong. It’s ok to enjoy things, it’s ok to object to injustice, and it’s ok to do both at the same time.