limits – Real Social Skills

Anonymous said to realsocialskills:Do you have any advice on figuring out how to respect your own limits (in terms of energy/ability/etc) without missing out on too much due to being overcautious?

How do you know when you really aren’t able for something that day, and when you’ve just convinced yourself you’re not because you’re scared?

realsocialskills said:

I think it’s mostly a matter of developing your judgement over time.

There’s no foolproof way to always be sure whether or not you’re up for something. Everyone makes mistakes in both directions.

I think part of what’s needed is giving yourself permission to be wrong. You don’t have to have this completely figured out. It’s ok if sometimes you miss out on things that you could have done. It’s ok if sometimes you try things and it ends up being a bad idea. Everyone makes mistakes. You’re allowed to make them too.

The important thing is to learn from your mistakes. If you regret going to something, that tells you something. If you regret not going to something, that tells you something too. If you think about the reasons and apply what you learn to new situations, you’ll get better results over time.

Anyone else want to weigh in? How do you judge your limits? How do you learn how to do it more reliably?

Short version: Figuring out your limits is a process. So is figuring out when to push them. It’s ok to make mistakes, and it gets easier to make good choices if you get in the habit of learning from them.

I’ve noticed a pattern. People who do public things tend to get perceived as… corporations or something. Or like they have super powers. Or like, if they can do the thing they’re doing, they must also be able to do tons of other stuff.

When maybe they’re doing all they can.

People who do stuff in public are just people. Don’t necessarily have tons of resources or organization backing or power.

For instance, people who organize a conference might not have any ability to make it cheaper, no matter how much they want to. And they might not be able to moderate a list quickly, or write in simple language. Or maintain a neurotypical affect. Or talk to parents. Or any number of other things.

People all have limitations. So do groups. Even when what they do is public.