moving efficiently – Real Social Skills

Sometimes disabled people are wrong perceived as angry or hostile when they move like disabled people. It works something like this:

The most efficient way to do things is often not the socially accepted way to do things
People with disabilities often have to do things in an efficient way to be able to do them
In order to be perceived as calm and polite, people are often expected to move in a slow, careful way without making sudden or loud motions
That’s easy for most people without disabilities, and can be difficult or impossible for people with disabilities
Sometimes people with disabilities don’t have the motor coordination or strength to move in expected ways. Sometimes pain or illness makes them too exhausted to have the energy to move in expected ways. Sometimes, they have to move efficiently to be able to move at all.
People with disabilities who have to move in loud, sudden, forceful, or jerky ways are often wrongfully perceived as expressing anger, frustration, or aggression.
When people make loud, jerky, or sudden motions, they tend to be perceived as rude, angry, or aggressive
People with disabilities don’t always have the coordination to make the movements in expected ways
Sometimes, they have to be efficient in order to do the thing.
This often gets perceived as angry when it isn’t
This can lead to people with disabilities who are just trying to live their lives being perceived as hostile and excluded
When a person with a disability is moving in a jerky, sudden, or loud way, it’s important to consider the possibility that it’s disability-related rather than angry

Some concrete examples:

Dropping things:

In most social contexts, it’s socially expected that people who need things to be on the ground put them there without making a sudden noise
This generally means using your arms to slowly lower the thing to the ground
People with disabilities often do not have the strength or motor coordination needed to lower things this way
Sometimes, people who can’t rely on muscles to lower things need to drop them and rely on gravity
(And some people have to rely on gravity some of the time, eg: when they’re tired, at the end of a long day, when they’re in a particularly draining environment, when they’ve already had to lift and drop the thing several times that day.)
Gravity only goes one speed, and dropped objects tend to make noise
Dropping a heavy object rather than lowering it slowly is usually perceived as a sign of anger (and for people without disabilities, it’s generally intended as one).
People with disabilities who drop things are often not intending it as an expression of anger.
Often, they drop things because they need them to be on the ground and have no other realistic way of getting them there.
If a person with a disability is dropping heavy things rather than lowering them, it’s important not to automatically assume that they are doing this out of a show of emotions
Consider seriously the possibility that they’re dropping things because they need to lower them, and due to disability are not able to do so in the socially expected way.

Another example: Plugging things in:

The socially expected way to plug things in is to slowly push the plug into the outlet using a steady pressure
That requires a particular kind of strength and muscle control
Some people with disabilities can’t do that
Some people with disabilities have to rely on momentum.
Relying on momentum involves one sudden forceful movement.
That can look like punching, and can be perceived as excessive force
Most people without disabilities only plug things in with that kind of force when they are angry or frustrated
People with disabilities often plug things in that way because it’s the only way they can do it
If a person with a disability uses a lot of force to plug things in, don’t assume it’s a display of emotion.
Consider seriously the possibility that they’re doing it that way because that’s how their body works

In general:

Some socially expected movements are complicated and difficult
Sometimes people with disabilities can’t do it in the polite way
Sometimes, we have to do it in a way that’s more efficient
That’s often perceived as rude, inconsiderate, or threatening, when it’s really just limited ability to move in expected ways
No amount of social skills training or knowledge of socially expected behavior will make it physically possible to move in all expected ways
This can result in people with disabilities being perceived as angry or displaying rage when all they’re doing is moving
It’s important not to automatically assume that people with disabilities who move oddly are doing it to display anger. It might just be that that’s the only reasonable way for them to do something.
If you understand this, you’ll be much more able to relate to people with disabilities and include people
(People with disabilities, like everyone else, sometimes display anger and frustration in physical ways. But they are routinely wrongly perceived as doing so. It is possible, and important, to learn to tell the difference).

Short version: People with disabilities are often perceived as displaying rage or aggression when they’re just moving. This is because socially expected ways of moving are often very inefficient in ways that aren’t too difficult for most nondisabled people, but can be difficult or impossible for people with disabilities. It’s important to learn to tell the difference between people with disabilities moving efficiently and people with disabilities displaying anger. Scroll up for details and examples.