how to deal with awful roommates without doing a room change esp if you’re nonconfrontational
It depends on what kind of awful, and what your resources are.
If you can’t change rooms or negotiate with them, probably the best thing you can do is figure out things that you can do without their cooperation.
If the problem is that they steal your food or take your stuff, it might be worth getting a lockable container, or putting your stuff somewhere they don’t see it.
If they bother you while you’re trying to study, it might be worth finding another place to study. Other possible places to study:
- The library (can be good if you like quiet, because quiet is enforced, can also help to focus you since other people are studying)
- An unoccupied classroom (classrooms can be good for studying and internetting because they are often completely empty, and you don’t have to be as quiet as you do in the library)
- Outside (Some people find it pleasant to read outside if the weather is good)
If they’re loud, and keep you up at night, it might be worth trying earplugs.
Anyone else want to weigh in? How have you survived bad roommates?
Some people with anger problems do so because they themselves are being triggered. Help them deal with their past problem; compassion helps.
That’s good advice in some situations, but I don’t think it’s applicable in the situation they asked about. I think what you’re saying makes a lot of sense in situations in which you’re responsible for another person’s physical and emotional wellbeing. For instance, if you’re raising a kid, or working with a kid who has been through traumatic things, the first thing to keep in mind is that they’re doing things for reasons and that compassion goes a long way.
But you can’t have that relationship with every traumatized person you encounter. It’s not appropriate with a roommate.
And that person was asking specially about what to do about the fact that they are triggered by their roommate’s depression and anger. It was a question about how to make a living situation work, not a question about how to make a support relationship work.
Getting involved enough to help someone deal with their past problem is a completely different kind of relationship than they were asking about. And there’s no indication that either they or their roommate wants that.
And, when you are triggered by someone even at a relatively distant relationship, it’s generally not a good idea to establish an even closer relationship with that person.
Their roommate’s past is not their problem, and helping their roommate get over their past is not their responsibility.