working – Real Social Skills

A reader asked:

What are some ways to balance work and school? Cus I’m working 25 to 30 hours a week and taking only three classes and I’m still behind. I don’t know how some people work fulltime AND go to school fulltime while paying rent and having kids.

realsocialskills said:

I don’t know how people balance that kind of schedule with school/kids/work. I think that it’s nearly impossible and that most people couldn’t do it.

Here are a couple of things I do know about passing classes under time pressure:

Choose your classes carefully:

Not all classes are equally time-consuming.
If you’re working a lot of hours, it’s probably better not to take all the really time-consuming classes in the same semester
(Eg: if you’re taking a class that has five papers, or lots of complicated programming assignments, it might be better not to take others than are like that at the same time).
It can also go a lot better to select classes based on who is teaching them rather than based on which description theoretically looks best
Classes go much more smoothly with teachers you’re readily compatible with
(particularly if you tend to need a lot of help)

Consider taking classes that are relevant to your work:

If some of what you’re working on at work can inform your class assignments, that makes life a lot easier
For instance, it’s much easier to write a paper on something you’ve researched for work than it is to research something else *and* what you have to work on at work
And more generally: if the concepts you’re learning in school are related to and overlapping with what you think about at work, it will be much less time consuming than if you have to do both separately
This can be true even if your work isn’t particularly intellectual on the face of it. No matter what your job is, it involves knowing things, and classes are easier if you can make knowing those things relevant.

It is possible to pass classes without doing all of the reading:

Most people don’t do all of the reading (except in seminar classes in which most of class consists of an in-depth group discussion of the reading).
If you are struggling to keep up, you may well be doing more of the reading than you should be.
It’s worth learning how to skim text in order to get the basic ideas
When a teacher cites something a lot in class, it’s generally worth reading it again after more closely

Having a study group or partner helps in several ways:

Perspective from other people can make it easier to tell whether you’re understanding what you need to understand
It can also make it easier to tell whether you’re doing *more* work than you need to in order to keep up and pass.
You can also pool knowledge. There will always be things that some people get and some people miss, and some people talk about it.
Meeting with others at a set time to do the work for a class can stop it from expanding to fill all available space
Even if you don’t have a regular study group, sometimes you can organize review sessions before tests. Those can also be helpful in similar ways.

A reader asked:

I don’t know what exactly is wrong with me (as a child, i was forbidden to even mention mental health or autism, and now it’s prolly too late to bother). But I find a lot of useful and relatable in this blog (that was thanks). Thing is, I end up just cutting all connections with society (aside from parents). Not leaving my home, being happy only in solitude. But I still need to provide for myself, so I do some coding. Except often I just can’t force myself to work for unknown reason. Any advice?

realsocialskills said:

First of all, it’s not too late to bother. Understanding yourself better is always helpful. It’s a lot easier to manage unusual things about yourself if you have the right words to describe them. Among other things, having the right words allows you to connect with others like you and learn about things that work for them.

Also, some mental health or neurological issues are treatable, even in adulthood. (For instance, many adults with depression, ADHD or OCD find that medication improves their lives).

Most of us spend most of our lives as adults. This stuff doesn’t go away when we grow up, and it doesn’t stop mattering, either. So – it’s not too late, and if you think that you have a mental health or neurological condition, it is worth taking that seriously, whether or not you pursue formal diagnosis or medical treatment.

I can’t tell you why you’re having trouble working. There could be any number of reasons. Some include:

Do you like your work?

If your work requires a lot of intense focus, and you find it intensely dull, it’s likely to be hard to make yourself do it, particularly if no one else is around
If you’re so bored with your work that you regularly can’t force yourself to do it, it’s probably time to start trying to find different work
Which might still be coding if that’s your skillset – not all programming projects are the same
There’s only so long you can work against yourself by brute force

Is being alone all the time bad for your work?

Some people need to work with or alongside other people in order to get stuff done consistently
Not everyone is like this, but some people are, even many people who enjoy solitude
If that’s part of your problem, it might be important to work on ways to have company that you can stand
This could be virtual, like one person you’re on IM with while you code
Or physical, like working out of an office or hackerspace
It doesn’t necessarily need to be intensely social
This might not be a problem you have, but it is a problem some people have

Are you depressed?

If being unable to force yourself to code is a new problem, it’s possible that you’re depressed
Particularly if you’re also *generally* disinterested in most things you used to like
For some people, depression is a treatable medical problem
If that sounds likely to be part of your problem, and if you can go to a doctor safely, it might be worth bringing up the possibility that you’re depressed

Do you need better cognitive cues for work?

For some people who work alone from home, it can be really hard to *tell* when you should be working
I have this problem and I don’t have a great solution to it, so I’m not sure how much I can suggest
For some people, making a schedule helps
For some people, always working early in the day helps
For some people, using LeechBlock makes it easier to focus
Some people find that HabitRPG helps them to keep track of tasks and stay motivated

Are you ok physically?

It’s hard to work when you feel horrible physically
And a lot of neurodivergent people have trouble telling when something is wrong physically
Do you eat enough? Do you get your nutritional needs met? Going without sufficient protein or iron can quickly make everything difficult.
Do you remember to drink liquids?
Are you in pain?
Is your working environment comfortable? (eg: are the lights bothering you? is your chair painful to sit in? is your keyboard at a comfortable or uncomfortable height?)