You can get distance without forgiving the person who hurt you.
In in particular, you can get past a point of being consumed by anger without forgiving the person who hurt you.
Because your recovery is not about that person. It’s about you. And you don’t have to forgive them to get them out of the center of your emotional life.
Sometimes, someone hurts you in a way that’s permanently and forver dealbreaking.
Some people will tell you that you have to forgive the person who hurt you in order to move on. Sometimes, they will put lots of pressure on you and tell you that if you’re still suffering, it’s your own fault for bearing a grudge.
But… you don’t have to forgive someone to get distance. You can do that by creating a boundary. Sometimes that means you limit contact with them to areas in which they’re safe for you. Sometimes that means you break off contact entirely. In any case, it’s something you can do unilaterally.
You can break away and build a life that has nothing to do with them. They don’t have to loom large in your life forever.
And you don’t have to get closure or resolution or anything like that in order to move on. What you have to do is move on and do other things.
It takes time and it doesn’t fix everything (neither does forgiveness, despite cultural tropes). But it allows you to build space for yourself, without that person’s hurt taking over everything. And you don’t have to forgive them or do anything at all regarding them to get that space.
Your life is about you, not the person who hurt you.
I once thought I was dating this friend of mine while he thought we were really close friends who went to the movies and hung out all the time. He was fantastic and sent me a very nice email saying he heard rumors that we were dating and he just wanted us to be and remain friends. Incredibly embarrassing, and completely unintentional on both of our parts!
Misreading someone’s intentions is not imaginary friending them.
Imaginary friending is when you *ignore* someone’s desire not to have a relationship.